My 2023 Syllabus
the top things I learned this year! (w/ a bonus list of the wildest comments men thought of, and then said out loud using their mouths as speakers)
As I laid in bed under a pisces moon, feeling tender about the holidays (a first for me), my mind displayed the last 12 months of my life like a montage flashback episode from my favorite sitcom.
2023 was the year that I willingly volunteered to push myself outside my comfort zone. Every time an edge sprouted up in my garden, I ran towards it. Gently feeling my way through its crevices, and reading its surfaces like writings in braille. Taking my time to decipher why it had chosen to appear in that moment and on that spot. And once I understood it, I saw it dissolve and turn into fertilizer for the next beautiful part of me to grow softer and stronger.
Every year brings us a new syllabus. It is full of life lessons we get to question, discuss, learn and or reject. It’s got pop quizzes, passionate debates and guest lecturers. Some we like more than others. The learning is extensive, and challenging. But oh-so rewarding when the messages click. Sometimes we get really lucky and get assigned an incredibly sexy tutor, who advances our understanding of what lies within. Other times, we are surrounded by loud classmates that can distract us from our progress. And just like college, we get to show up, or skip a day (s)… after all, in this classroom, we have free will as both the student and the teacher.
I love getting introspective with my life. I cannot help but do this at the end of the year and on my birthday. They are my own ‘big picture’ 6 month check in.
So I thought it a good exercise to list what my 2023 syllabus looked like. I’d like to think I got mostly got A’s. But then again, I’m the one grading here (ok maybe one B).
Yari’s 2023 Syllabus
Took my eggs and made baby cubes: saving the cracking for a later date
Finally(!) took sewing classes: made a bag that I adore, she looks like a starburst
Gave up my first solo lusty lair: I loved this apartment, and so did the boys. It allowed me to host my mom and best friends in style and comfort. It gave me room to dance, play, cry, cook, dress up and to shut the world out when I needed. Next, I’m calling in multiple homes (and not just for me)
Freelanced: Dipped my toes into freelancing and almost got pulled down by a sea witch, but popped up better and braver than ever. Upwards baby!
Traveled: Took over, flirted and ate my way through 10 European cities
Tried Madrid as a home base: I wanted to see if this was something I wanted/could do full time or part time or no time. And of course, lusted after every Spanish man on the street. From the cops to the bartenders, 10/10… (I also posted them on my IG stories because I give the people what they want)
Dated: Went on a whopping 19 first dates. Here’s the breakdown no one asked for: 1 Italian, 6 Americans, 4 French, 1 German, 1 Australian, 4 Spanish, 2 Brits
THOUGHT I found my husband: Ya’ll. I thought I had met my manz aka baby zaddy, aka big bold global life collaborator, aka lover / friend. I know I’m writing this with a tone of humor, but I genuinely thought this was THE guy. It turned out that he was not the guy, so we’ll have to wait on that international wedding. However, he brought a sweeping amount of affirmations for me that showed me I am clear on who and what I want in a life partner. And that I’m without a doubt, ready to retire my jersey and get inducted into the dating Hall of Fame. I’ve been dating since I was 14 years old, that’s 23 years! I LOVE that I have tried so many flavors of men. That I have felt heartache and love (and the elation that comes with having a crush on someone that makes me feral). That I have mastered the art of banter with perfect strangers. That I spent my 20s like a true gemini venus, loving with abandon. That I’ve tried and failed. And tried and triumphed. And that I can close out this chapter of my life with an unforgettable European world tour. No complaints, only stories that rival SATC.
Breakups: Had 3 friendship breakups that totaled 49 years of memories and exchanges to parse through. I learned to lay flowers on the tombstones of what was, and released what I wanted them to be. A master class in allowing people to be who they are, and choosing my own sanctity (even if difficult). This alone felt like I was sitting at the center of a never ending tornado. I don’t wish this on anyone. Not consecutively anyway
Reunions: Reconnected with friends I had not seen/talked to since or prior to the pandemic. None were on rocky roads. Life just happened. Breaking bread, hearing their laughs, squeezing their hands and cleaning their kitchens was a welcomed salve. Raven, Grace, Geneva, Tracy G, Gigi, Imani, Tamika— I love you.
Closer than Eva: I grew closer to girl friends whose unwavering support got me through e-very-thang. Who cheered me on and stayed on top of my journey even while we had an entire ocean between us. The level of care I received this year is bar none. Noelle, Teresa, Danielle, Jmo, Sonia, Deborah, Yani, Crystal, Kozza (I know you’re a boy, but you in here booskie) — I love you, I love you, I love you
Sat with: the loss of a dear father figure, while learning to de-center myself and be there for my best friend in this new reality she’s embarking on. This has made me re-evaluate my personal pillars, my north stars, the way I am intentionally showing up for the people around me, dreams I turn into goals, and how I am investing in my own adventures and mischief. There is room for the adult and child in me to conspire together. And what a winning team they make
Creative breakthroughs: Started to finally recover from the creative constipation I had felt since 2020. And received many downloads on what I should do next with my career. Including, but not limited to:
Coach Yari: I got certified to be a life coach! Well, I take the exam this week. But I’m claiming it. Next I want to figure out what this offering will look like. I will probably write a substack for this on it’s own. Helping others work through roadblocks and have lightbulb moments gives me such a high, I know it’s part of my purpose this time on earth
Witchy Yari: Started to take my tarot practice more seriously AND got hired for my first gig reading tarot (another new offering in 2024!). I’m excited to continue to learn this and other modalities in the year ahead
Bridesmaiding Hard: Co-planned a fantastic AND successful bachelorette in Jackson Hole, Wyoming (if you’ve planned a bachelorette you already know). The key to this is truly having a (you guessed it) greattttt partner! Hi Danielle
Therapy graduation: Put a lot of what I had learned in my seven years of therapy into practice, including: Tussling and dispelling limiting beliefs on my self-worth, working through scarcity mindset when she would pop up guns blazing, speaking up faster/with more clarity when I was hurt/disappointed/confused by people in my life, stopped the people pleasing (even if it meant disappointing someone), ASKED FOR WHAT I NEEDED (and was okay if the person couldn’t meet my needs in that moment), ASKED FOR HELP (and said yes to receiving help when it appeared), didn’t respond to inflammatory exchanges (sometimes no response is a loud enough response), released a lot of left-over feelings from my relationship with my father, welcomed anger with open arms and sat with all my feelings when they had a gripe session, said no to people/places/things that were not in alignment with my highest self and where I am headed next… and overall surrendered to the moments that called for it. And with that, I told my beloved therapist that it was time to stop sessions until the next big life chapter calls for her assistance. Dr. Paredes, all I know is you are Dominican and a gemini, and I love you for it. Thank you for being such a wonderful guide
Up’d my Listening: Prioritized being an active listener with the people in my life (this is a skill ya’ll, and as a chatty Kathy it takes a lot of practice/patience/presence). I have always been a good listener, and tried, but an active listener also remembers not to interrupt even when excited about participating. Little did I know this would be one of the not-so-secret ingredients of being a great coach for people
Leaned in: to my spirituality. This year had many plot twists that called me to walk on faith even if that first step was not seen, just felt. Over and over I was called to trust in divine timing. To trust my ability to make the best choices for myself, and to trust that everything I want wants me more. I spent as much time as I could barefoot in grass or sand, splashing in the ocean, listening to the wind, meditating, hugging trees, praying and talking to my guides
Went steady w/ ya’ll: Took you a long for the majority of these moments via this substack! Thank you for reading, sharing, messaging me, and loving on my words. I am infinitely humbled, and excited to continue to ‘seek, play, grow’ so much more, so that you may be inspired to do the same in your own life
So there it is! I look forward to a new school year and a new syllabus.
I hope you can take full stock of yours and appreciate everything revealed to you in your studies (especially when you didn’t ask for it, that’s where the biggest pushes come from). I feel so fortunate and grateful to be alive, to be loved, and to be seen.
Cheers to 2024
Your substack girlfriend,
YB
Bonus
I truly believe there are some fantastic men out there. I’ve experienced them! So this is not indicative of them. But goodness men can say the darnest things.
As a bonus, I present to you the top wildest comments men said to me this year.
(in no particular order)
“LOL you ok?”: After I posted a very innocent video about a fun conversation I had with a sales person at a French sex shop in Paris. Additional context: this guy had been trying to get me to sleep with him for over a year :)
“it’s interesting because I think you disassociated”: this one was dangerous given that this man is a therapist and 50 years old. I could imagine my therapists’ face if I told her this story. Please note this was in reference to me talking about astrology, for “two minutes” per his recollection, specifically aries suns (he is an aries), and no I am not joking. This story will be in my book of essays, fur-sure.
“just putting a battery on your back”: this one made me spiral, because it came from someone I knew for a long time. But also because no one in the history of my life has ever had to put a battery on my back. I mean no one. If there is one person I believe in with my whole chest, it’s me. I am an immigrant and only child, who grew up with a single mother, in NYC in the 90s. As Jay’ said “put me anywhere on God's green earth, I'll triple my worth” — you know how that happens? By being DRIVEN
“there’s no point about talking about intentions, until you get a year or two years deep into a relationship we’re financially emotionally everything existentially you can talk about children”: This was copied word for word and a late entry to the year, but absolutely worth sharing! This was in response to me saying we shouldn’t go any further since he isn’t sure on wanting kids and also is an avid vaper user. Normalize walking away if lifestyles don’t align. It’s okay! Life goes on! More dates will show up! I of course declined the 1-2 year waiting period. I have collages to make, laundry to fold, nail polish to watch dry etc etc.
And to prove that emotionally mature and well-adjusted men exist, and that there IS an appropriate way to respond to someone’s wishes when they do not align with yours. I will share this message from my friend, whom I wish the biggest love for.
See you in January <3